My 126th Post: You Still Exist

Things have changed, routine is back on its track, life is again calling me back only what isn't there is your presence....I don't see you around me any more...you don't fight with me over tiny things....you don't make me jealous by sharing your things with others rather than me...you don't every time greet me with your smile because you aren't here...you are gone and you won't ever do any of these again....you don't exist in my life any more but that would be a lie and you know I don't lie....
It is a general concept that once a person leaves you physically, that person is gone forever....well this is logically correct but heart fights with logic....it believes in stuff which a sane mind wouldn't agree to...so what if the person isn't standing in front of you, that person is still around you...no matter how badly you want that someone to go, their little things remind you of them....even at times when you are missing them badly, you don't rely upon a reason to remember them and to see their face....no matter what you do, they are always there specially when they left without saying a proper good bye....
There are people whom you wish to delete from your heart and mind but you are just not able to and there are those whom you never want to lose and you keep collecting reasons to keep them in your heart and keep them alive in your life....though their absence hurts but still their ghostly presence soothes you down and glows your heart....I always have believed that life isn't really tough, we are the ones making it tougher by each passing day but, it is tough when you lose someone who was a part of your daily life....there are reasons for people to die and leave us behind and we aren't strong enough to clearly understand those and have to accept the fact that they left us....honestly, it really is tough....I never thought it would be that tough because I thought I have a tough heart but the fact is, even the toughest hearts melt when a loved one moves on.....
Little things are keeping her alive....like yesterday, I was given a pack of jellies because the shopkeeper didn't have change...though I love jellies but she loved them more....or right now, I went out to check the house and I opened the room where she slept....there were some blankets huddled up on her bed and for a moment I was like she is here and it all was a bad dream but no, sadly this is real and she is gone....she wasn't the one trying to sleep, it just was her bed with stuff upon it....so these are random things which I guess are irritating at times but honestly even without them, I still see my sis from place to place.....
No matter what, you still exist...not only for today or tomorrow, for each coming day of my life...Insha-Allah one day when I would have your nephews and your nieces, I would tell them about you and would take care of the fact that you become a part of their little world as well.....I never said this when you were here but you would always be missed by us and by me because no one is there to fight like you any more....

My 124th Post: Am Drowning

This is something, I just wanted to write down without any real motive or thought maybe....

Am drowning

Without water pulling me down

Without sand covering my frown

Yet, am drowning

With the sorrows of this world

With the mysteries so curled

No idea where to stand

No idea what to hold

My vision is growing dark

There is no light or a spark

Am drowning

And headed somewhere which is far

Somewhere which holds me like a tar

Somewhere where I can't see any return

Place where I feel my heart burn

There is no end to this all

It feels like a never ending fall

My mind is gone numb

It feels like a wasted crumb

No thoughts ahead

No happiness thread

It is gone dumb

But yet

It knows am drowning

It can see my inside frowning

With time yet to come

It would stand

And look at his chum

Won't do a thing about that

But, it surely would regret

It surely would regret...

My 103rd Post: Being Sorry

Life is based upon decisions and the steps we take....we move through time, wrestling the barriers in our way, towards the goals set in the back image of our mind....at times, we just move on slaying each and everyone...though not literally but stamping one's heart may be same as slaying that person....when at last we reach the end of our trail, a time comes when we look back at what we did in order to reach our destination....then we realise how many we might have hurt and how many we might have left behind just to conquer our selfish desires....if our conscience remains till the end, it nudges our heart just to remind us of what we did....it makes us feel guilty and in the end, we start feeling sorry for what we did or how we behaved....
Being sorry is a strong deed....it shows that at least one realises his/her mistakes....in that state it feels as if a burden is placed upon the heart, heavy enough to sink a person in thin air.....there is an urge which seems to strangle to death just to get things back as they were...just to get a second chance to alter the mistake and remove the hurt from the victim's heart....though the victim might have moved on from your abuse, it still feels as if you can see that someone, crying in a corner just waiting for the day to end or throwing things in fury just to get back on you....but at that moment, you just moved on and couldn't wait long enough to know what happened next or weren't ever concerned enough to care to know how that someone feels.....
Life has a philosophy that broken things can be mended and broken hearts, can once again reunite under the same glowing moon....that is just a philosophy and we can call this an ideal situation, which can not be obtained....it is a fact stated in physics that worldly things can't reach to ideal state....same way, broken hearts and hurt souls can not be repaired just by a sorry....it is just like breaking a class and gluing it back together....though the shattered pieces might hug each other, but still they remain weak from the impact and won't hold the water without spilling it here and there.....saying sorry won't make things better for the one who was thrashed, though he/she might accept you once more, but still would remain few steps back just to ensure the future....
I fully understand my stated points but there is something which nags me....there is a saying that do not let your hope die young...well I guess I just said that though what I mean is that, maybe, just maybe that someone agrees and after the show of stubbornness and ignore, that someone reverts and accepts your apology....maybe that someone becomes that same old person realising the fact that one is trying too hard just to apologise and is trying to get back on track....so there is hope though....it might be tough but there are chances....now the tough part is that how to make that someone realise the fact that you really mean it....umm I really don't know....
The way I would do is to write a post upon a topic, lets suppose 'Being Sorry', and then try to share it towards that someone....this might irritate that person and make him/her take the agreement of your kill, but still I tried.....it depends upon that someone whether they think am worth giving a chance or not but I guess anyone would spare a single chance if I keep on asking for her/him and wish well...
Well that is just an opinion but try not to hurt in the first place to be sorry later in the future....

My 87th Post: The First Love

From the day we are born with the brain of our's, another organ leads our life...it takes over our every moment and gets attached to every sight we experience....we develop sentiments for things which we didn't even really pay attention to....our heart, that meddling devil, clings to everything but at times, it sticks so hard that it seems impossible to head on without that structure in our life.....the worst part is when this devil acts as a cupid and grabs on to a person specially for the first time.....
People say that it isn't possible to love more than once....or lets just say that it is believed that a person loves once and if he/she loves again then there is no purity in the heart.....I totally disagree....I have always believed that a person can love as many times as he/she find someone beautiful enough to pluck the strings of one's heart.....but yeah, first love is always the first love no matter how many times a person ties his/her heart with someone....
First love....well that is heavy for everyone....when ever someone is asked about that, the expressions change from normal to something outta this world....that single expression shows love, care, happiness and even unfortunately for most, sadness....it is kinda impossible to forget one's first love....no matter if that was the science teacher in 4th standard or the girl in the neighbouring class in grad 2....whom so ever he or she is, their image always remains in the heart....though maybe in the back of it but it remains there....
First love is just like an imprint upon one's thoughts....what ever next happens in life, the experience from that never leaves the mind....I am really confused of what to write here further....I know it is one beautiful thing to happen because it is the thing which makes a person realise that he/she has real feelings and ain't selfish only to care for oneself....that Cupid's arrow unclogs a reality of life but, the dreadful thing is that it is tough to let go....
Those feelings always remain attached and the worst happens when one isn't successful.....the irony here is that no matter how hurt a person is and what ever he/she utters, they really love that first one till the end....this is amongst the precious worldly love affairs that follows a person to his/her grave.....a person might be loving many but that first love, always has the key to the throne.....it is like the kingdom is built around that someone and even with the fall of time, that someone remains there and sought to never leave through the tiny doors of the heart as there are no good byes to the first one....
Tc and keep loving and also sharing and commenting over my posts.....

My 69th Post: Discovering The Truth

Ever seen those Star Plus dramas? If you have then you exactly know how it feels when we get to know the truth about something...yeah it would have been much cooler if we had those idiotic sound effects and those death defining camera views in our real life but still the feeling they show is somewhere near what we really feel....
In most of the cases the truth is ugly because we just can't digest it....it is a dish which is best served as a starter not as a desert...but still, people leave it aside for the end.....truth, is a heavy word....honestly speaking, I can't digest it as well but still I work my way into it because there is no other option besides it...it is much easier to accept the fact which is laid as soon as possible because no matter how much time we take, it would remain the same till the end....

For me, it is a really depressing moment and I get way too much gloomy and fall off the track...it is just because I believe in the beginning that what ever I am told is the only face of the tale....the stories, the dialogues everything seems to be real and there, the brain, creates up a world or better to call it a house in which that person resides....the house made from what I get told and it seems beautiful if the material pleases my nature....but the time when it all is stamped as a lie, it feels as if the house got on fire and the only way to save it is by getting it burnt or just believe that there was no fire....
It is really tough to know the truth and do nothing about it....yes, realizing the fact that everything was a lie is something but still realizing something and acting upon it are both two different things....at times, we get so much indulged in the liar and the lie that we put an intentional veil upon it so that we don't get to see the ugly face of it....we bury the truth deep down our heart and sink it like that Black Beard's treasure chest....no matter how hard others would try to thrash that lie, we would still believe that one person....yet, at times we act differently...rather than this soft and kind nature, we show a bit more rude and aggressive one....that is the case in which we would burn the house our self....the moment truth arrives at the door steps, everything is destroyed and no chance of survival remains.....
In my views, non of them is a suitable way to face a lie....the second one is better because at least the person is accepting the facts and trying to live in reality but still that also hurts because once a person gets attached to someone's lie, it is really tough to move away without getting hurt....the best way is to let the house burn by itself....instead of thumping away, it is better to watch it till the ashes remain....as it is said that with time bruises heal, or something like that, a lie would die the same way...instead of changing the life, just try to change that person without taking any hasty decisions....this will hurt less because once you are away from that someone, it would only pinch because of that spoken lie....
Just smile and try to live life to its peak and enjoy..Tc, comment and do share..... 

My 56th Post: The Rage Continues

The film which was posted few weeks ago, still has its watermarks....it still remains undecided whether to take action upon it in the favor of the Muslims or just to leave it as it is.....
In my point of view, we Muslims haven't protested in the right manner....what some editors or news casters say may be true to some extent because it is correct that a matter can't be solved by literally burning down the cause, it needs to be solved peacefully and that would receive a better support throughout the world...
In these past few days, I have seen Muslims burning down shops and restaurants and in all that action, lives were lost....a peaceful protest would have caught the eye of many and would have won the hearts of those who are just neutral but protests like these have just provoked people against this....why would someone support this cause if they lost something during the protest and weren't even a part of it?
I agree, at times drastic measures are to be taken and this was among those times but before taking that step, a peaceful call could have been made instead of going out on the streets and flagging war...there were groups who really tried to make it as peaceful as possible but thanks to our media, they got no attention and all their hard work sank down the shores....
I can take an example of my country....what ever happened within these few days, got out of control....people went to an extent of burning down police vehicles and even banks...seriously? didn't anyone tell them that this is already a Muslim country and what ever they do would only bring a loss for one of the Muslim nations....I really don't know what they were really thinking but what ever it was, it was wrong...things shouldn't be like this...hurting yourself because someone unknown pushed you in the mud would only harm you, not that pusher....what he did, was fun for him and what you did, was foolishness....
If Muslims really want to show respect for their Prophet (S.A.W) then there is a simple way which would make those people realize that they are something....instead of burning down a place you own, try boycotting what they own....just like the recent boycott of YouTube....a simple step but can tremble many....there are many sites which our governments can block...once the revenue earned is reduced, they would take Muslims more seriously....in such a way, there are many other things if a person sits down to think with a calm mind....
Be realistic people and think before you do something....try to settle scores peacefully and if that don't work, try to work out things with logic just like during a game of chess....
Tc, comment, do share and do consider.....

My 43rd Post: What the Heart Says

There are bunch of complaints I keep receiving on daily basis.....all the time its the same accuser and the same victim....I don't know what to do in this matter...each day I wake up, my brain keeps nudging me to stop my heart from contributing in the decisions of my life.....it keeps telling me to warn it else I would face a serious series of thoughts....what can I do, my heart doesn't listens to me....it keeps telling me different things and whatever it says, seems legit to me.....it is really convincing.....my heart knows how to fool me and get things done in its ways....that is mostly what my brain hates and that is why it keeps telling me to snatch the power of decision making from my heart....

It is really a tough thing to do.....heart doesn't listens to anyone, it just does things which makes it rush more rapidly.....though it only wants good for us, it at times messes things up because somethings aren't supposed to be tempered with and that is what the brain knows well.....heart is just like some immature kid who wants to see the person smiling and to do that, it can cross any limit forgetting the pain it would cause.....
The heart keeps on talking a lot and tells many stories....it tries to provide guidance in stuff but that guidance is way costly...due to it, a whole day may ruin or become so odd that even with eyes wide open, things seem blurred up....I really don't know why the heart has to be like that....it could have been a sophisticated organ like the brain but no it had to be like a saint which only runs after the happiness even when it is for a little while.....
Right now my heart is saying something really stupid.....I know that would be real fun but still at this hour of the night, how can I howl like a wolf, or wait why would I even howl at anytime? see, its a foolish idea but still what can I do, my heart loves me a lot....
I do many things because my heart tells me to do so but after most, there is some regret in them...though they weren't wrong but still led to hurt....but why not to do what it tells us to do? I mean it understands us better and after doing what it says, there is always a smile on our face....if something doesn't hurts anyone and it is what makes you happy, you can do it....even if the happiness stays for few moments because in this hectic life, a smile on the face for only 3 seconds is a lot...on this thought, so what if something I did yesterday lowered my glucose level for the rest of my day...the smile it brought to my face and the relief it gave me was worth making that decision again and again for days....
I would just like to salute my heart...it surely have made things worst and increased the difficulty level of my life, but it did take care of me at the times I really needed it....taught me a lot and made me smile even when there was nothing to smile about....it just made me happy at times when there was no light in front of me....
Tc people, comment, share and do take care of your beloved heart.....

My 38th Post: Those Goodbyes

First we meet someone and then we great them....then the time passes on in long long chats....some laughs are shared and some fights are dodged but everything seems lovely and enjoyable.....some secrets reveal and some mysteries unfold....the time flies of in the dripping of the words.....it feels so good and the heart wishes more but unfortunately, it has to end.....
At some point, you need to turn....maybe for a while or sometimes, forever....that is the toughest moment of meeting someone...the time when you have to say goodbye....it gets impossible to let go the one you want to be with...the one who was making you smile for the past few hours of your life.....the one who was there to set a memory in your mind.....but you have to go....life needs other requirements to be fulfilled.....staying there forever can not be done....when letting someone go, the heart gets heavy and things damp up....you had to leave because there were other things winding up but you really didn't want to leave because that was the one you felt really comfortable with...that was the one you want to be with....
There is a fear that developes in our minds at the time of a farewell that whether we would get to meet again or not, whether there would be an other series of the chat or not.....this 'whether' really messes up the mind specially when we don't want to lose that someone....we somehow try to budge things here and there in order to achieve a little window but at times that is not an available option even....
Leaving someone is really bad....the attachment of the heart really makes it tough...though the heart is only a pumping device, it sometimes tries to be what it shouldn't be....it gets us tangled up with people so badly that at times even after a long time after departure, we still miss them badly....at that moment, the heart tells us that it is possible to get to them even if the clock was ticking 4 of the morning.....its a relief that the brain stands for us and reminds us of the insanity the heart advises and we sit back in the memories missing their presence...
Goodbyes do hurt but sometimes, they just leave a mark behind...there are times when we know that the person who is about to leave, would never return.....that is the time when the heart bleeds from inside....at times the person leaves us and at others, we have to leave them....it maybe because someone dies, which surely makes it complicated but still it was a known farewell...but when the person is still alive and leaves because of some reason, that hurts.....
Well, no one can avoid it...what only matters is that we meet again...that is the only thing the heart desires...and that is the only request a person has for someone he leaves behind....
Upon this topic there is a famous Hindi song which I have in mind from days and would like to share it here, so enjoy, comment and do share...