My 126th Post: You Still Exist

Things have changed, routine is back on its track, life is again calling me back only what isn't there is your presence....I don't see you around me any more...you don't fight with me over tiny things....you don't make me jealous by sharing your things with others rather than me...you don't every time greet me with your smile because you aren't here...you are gone and you won't ever do any of these again....you don't exist in my life any more but that would be a lie and you know I don't lie....
It is a general concept that once a person leaves you physically, that person is gone forever....well this is logically correct but heart fights with logic....it believes in stuff which a sane mind wouldn't agree to...so what if the person isn't standing in front of you, that person is still around you...no matter how badly you want that someone to go, their little things remind you of them....even at times when you are missing them badly, you don't rely upon a reason to remember them and to see their face....no matter what you do, they are always there specially when they left without saying a proper good bye....
There are people whom you wish to delete from your heart and mind but you are just not able to and there are those whom you never want to lose and you keep collecting reasons to keep them in your heart and keep them alive in your life....though their absence hurts but still their ghostly presence soothes you down and glows your heart....I always have believed that life isn't really tough, we are the ones making it tougher by each passing day but, it is tough when you lose someone who was a part of your daily life....there are reasons for people to die and leave us behind and we aren't strong enough to clearly understand those and have to accept the fact that they left us....honestly, it really is tough....I never thought it would be that tough because I thought I have a tough heart but the fact is, even the toughest hearts melt when a loved one moves on.....
Little things are keeping her alive....like yesterday, I was given a pack of jellies because the shopkeeper didn't have change...though I love jellies but she loved them more....or right now, I went out to check the house and I opened the room where she slept....there were some blankets huddled up on her bed and for a moment I was like she is here and it all was a bad dream but no, sadly this is real and she is gone....she wasn't the one trying to sleep, it just was her bed with stuff upon it....so these are random things which I guess are irritating at times but honestly even without them, I still see my sis from place to place.....
No matter what, you still exist...not only for today or tomorrow, for each coming day of my life...Insha-Allah one day when I would have your nephews and your nieces, I would tell them about you and would take care of the fact that you become a part of their little world as well.....I never said this when you were here but you would always be missed by us and by me because no one is there to fight like you any more....

My 120th Post: Smile :)

Mornings always bring out some changes in our moods....one day we wake up mad or the other just carry a feeling of loneliness....today I woke up, I didn't have either of those two....there was something hanging upon my face....I don't know where it came from or why is it really there but I have a smile on my face which is even smiling as I am writing this post.....regardless yesterday's ups and downs, am smiling today and I think it is really a blessing to smile like this....
At times there are some people in your contact list who just bring out a smile upon your face....their presence just makes it everything for you to achieve at that moment and you start smiling....words fade away and there is nothing to say at all except for passing a smile....every negative vibe dies off and a pleasant air fills the space....who knew that flexing few muscles could result in such a beautiful thing....
A smile is a solution to many problems...it can fix relations, it can cheer up people, it can give a feeling of warmth, it is just magical.....smile really isn't an answer of everything but the least it can do is to give someone a hope....a simple smile can cover up a large statement, 'don't worry, it will be alright..'...
I really don't have much to talk upon this topic because all I can think about is smiling at the screen....it is like I want to smile to all my readers and make them understand what I really want to say....this smile is a feeling of heaven....I really feel my heart flying towards the sky and there is no pain in it....it feels as if everything is cured by this smile I have right now.....it is like fight with me right now and all you would see is me smiling...okay yeah I would beat you back but with a smile and I guess that is what matters....
It might seem as if am a lunatic or something like that who is smiling all the time for nothing at all....yeah sure, maybe am gone goo goo but does it really matters? I mean at least I am happy from inside and my smile really boosts my soul....smiling a lot isn't bad if you ask me...sure it ain't healthy but still, it is the best feeling one can have and I am proud to have this as a part of my life...
People do various drugs just to achieve a state from where they can forget the life they are living...they go after meths or heroine and consume bags of money and destroy their health as well....for me, smiling is the best drug of them all....its cost are nominal and it is available all the time and it is good for health....so yeah, I am high but high upon my smile :)