My 132nd Post: Why Have I Stopped?

I will just start this blog abruptly without any proper introductory paragraph. The last time I had published over this platform was back in 2015 and today, it is 2021. Nearly six years have passed since my last post and that is a long time. I haven’t stopped writing, well no not really. I have been around sharing quotes, publishing academic papers, freelancing, and stuff like that but I haven’t really written something from my heart for my heart.

There are a couple of reasons for my absence, though they might just be excuses but still, I would like to believe that they are valid excuses. One of them which is really the worst is that I have become demotivated to write. I used to believe that I have a way with words and my hands are the medium of art but I came to understand that I might be flying over polluted clouds. My words, well they haven’t generated many readers and followers and I guess they aren’t really worthy of much praise so I just went silent. The other reason is life. Life is a beautiful trauma for us to live and wait for the light to reach our eyes.

I do have a lot to write and talk about but at the same time, I have nothing to say worthy enough for someone to read. This post is just an explanation post for a friend whom I really respect and I owe this much at least.

All I wish to say is that I do will to write but then again, I wonder, is it worth it to type down my words in front of the world who sees no charm in them? Should I really paint my thoughts over such canvases or should I just go back to my silence? I really don’t have a clue about that. I might start writing once again if this post gets even 10 views or few comments because they will prove to me that I am heard and people do like hearing from me or who am I kidding with this?

So, basically, I have nothing more to say upon why I have stopped. Or maybe I do, but then again it is better to be left chained in my brain rather than inked down on this blog. But I can say, I still love to write and am passionate about this art. Even while writing this post, which basically is just a random vent, I am enjoying the music my fingers are making when they press the keys on the keyboard. Writing is and I believe will always be a part of who I am and that will never die but the fact remains that would I let it out publicly or not? I don’t know but who knows, we never know what life has stored for us in the upcoming moments. We just have to live it the best way we can.

“So, have fun, stay safe and continue social distancing to be safe from COVID-19 because it is not a fun to get ill,” words to live by from two-time COVID survivor :)

 

 

My 131st Post: Am I Forgotten?

Am I forgotten? Ever wondered if people remember you even when you don’t talk anymore. I mean the person whom you used to be a best bud of and now you guys don’t talk, do you think they would have you in their mind still. Or someone whom you thought was important for you but then things didn’t work out and the chapter got shut away for the spiders to nest in. Ever wondered the way you think about them, the way you recall their precious memories, their names and their existence, would they be doing the same time after time.

I have met a lot of people in my age and with most of them, I don’t have any contact at all. Some were just random folks but then there also were those whom I wanted to be a part of my each and every memory. Destiny didn’t have their pictures in my timeline but still I have them in my head. Like the friends I had made in my junior years. Some of them are still in contact but then again majority are like the leaves of fall which flew away from me.

I still remember the names of each and every girl I had a crush upon or whom I fell in love with. Some of them know the fact that I was drooling upon them but specially the girl whose name the cupid struck me with knows it well because she is the only one till the date whom I had enough courage to propose. Well I do wonder if she even remembers me and recalls my memories or thoughts at times. She did had made it clear that I am not going to be a part of her memories by blocking me from every way possible but still, I just wonder if she remembers me.

Then there were random others whom I thought would remain my friends but it didn’t happen. Like a great friend of mine from the school days whom I used to hang out with. She was a nice person and best of all, she helped me out in my love thingy but then something went wrong and it ended. Or like my recent thought about a friend whom I had a misunderstanding with and now she remains at a distance though I did clear it all and our chat ended with my words that I would wait for her reply when she would be willing to talk no matter how high the pile of the years get. Now I wonder it has been months since we talked, does she even remember me. There are a lot of people like her whom I drifted apart from and it has been long since we talked but I don’t think they remember me because alright a girl might have some issues but what about a guy? What about my buddies from the school days whom I haven’t heard from in years. I really don’t even know if they are alive. Well that is life.

I do wonder and I believe everyone does because one can not just kill a memory out of the system. We are not machines whose RAM can be erased or something, we are humans with hearts. If we spend time with even a cat at our door, we remember it. It is mostly our ego and the awkwardness of time which binds us at distance. Well the destiny chose this for us. Some people stay and others just drift away. I would like some of them back but I don’t think anyone would want the entire fleet at their steps again because they were gone and when they left, it might have been a good thing to happen in life. Still I believe that no soul on Earth is forgotten just ignored due to our human nature. They left due to some reason but still they remain a part of our memories.

My 130th Post: Bath Of Sand

Yay dunya fani hai

Daulat to ani jani hai

Is dunya say dil mat lagao

Ik din mout galay lagani hai

In the above poetry, I speak of the limited time we have in this life which we think is going to last forever....this world is going to end one day and nothing is going to be left behind....all the treasures we hunt and all the wealth which we have stored under our pillows is going vanish one day as if nothing ever existed before...there is no use of loving this life because we are going to die one day and that day, we would have command over nothing at all....our bodies are going lie in the ground, baring the burden of sand covering us from head to toe....only a single piece of cloth would shield us from that sand but that still would be of no use because after death, there would be nothing to do just to wait for the time when we get answer for our deeds...
If you see around yourself, all you will find is man running after worldly possessions whether money or love just something which is never going to exist forever...such fools we are...when there is some power which we know and believe is going to remain forever...He was there before us and would remain after us....but still we run away from Him and try to grab what He made for our happiness....yes, we should try to earn what surrounds us but that does not mean that we run after them like a person on a quest of water in a desert....why don't we truly love the One who is always going to be there...why not to earn His respect and His love rather than trying to rise in the eyes of the creation....pleasing the creation might be a nice way to please the Creator but if the Creator Himself is calling upon us and is there if we reach for Him then why to waste time....I am a sinner myself....I know I am going to die one day and I know that I am not going to take anything with me when I die and I am well aware of the fact that when I die, people will mourn after me but they will move on with the passing days...yes, my parents will always miss me, my siblings will always think of me and my friends would always will to be in my company but they will move on....life won't end with me....I am just a piece of grain which contributes a little to the entire beach....I am nothing and would change nothing with my death....time will pass as it always does....this is just not a writer's made up imagination or just words of thought but I have experienced this....I have lost someone recently and she is not here in our lives but still, we are living....we do cry from time to time but we have picked up upon our routine....
Before the time arrives when am bathed in the sand and have nothing to care about, I want to do some rights...I don't want to die as a sinner and I really will to please my Lord so that I may end in a peaceful place, not in the tormenting hell...we all should do good because money may buy even love these days but it won't buy a place in heaven....getting rich is good but a person should always remember that graves of rich and poor are the same only the difference would be in their greed and their deeds....think of this world as a station which we are going to leave when the train arrives and till then, we should be nice with the strangers waiting along side us....we shouldn't live as selfish souls, instead our motive should be to help and heal the wounds which we think are in our power to cover...I hope we all do good and each time we think about something bad, we should remember our death staring at us from a corner we are unaware of...

Mout to ani hai
Yay dunya fani hai
Meri zindagi ki har baat
Ek mamuli si kahani hai

My 128th Post: Hydians (People of Hyderabad)

Hyderabad nests people of different casts, race and nationality even but there is one thing in common which unites their attributes, their hospitality to the people who are living besides them or are our guests....people might seem rough and tough on the outside but they are soft hearted if you share an experience with them.....once a hydian likes and respects you, you would become the center of their world.....this city is a treasure chest filled with great friends who would do anything for you at any time of the day not because they want something in return, just because you spent time with them and shared a laugh or two....

People are usually seen fighting to be the first one to leave but here if you ask someone politely, that someone would stop each and everyone just to let you pass.....they are good by heart and they know how to love and respect others.....hydians simply help others just for the sake of a smile on that someone’s face.....call for help and people would line up at your service.....here people try not to lose a chance of providing a helping hand....a rickshaw would be seen pushed by some random biker, an old man’s cart being pushed by some random youngster despite his status, some kids in the street would be caught carrying groceries for a random lady or the least, some strangers shouting out to a biker to lift his stand.....hydians are the type who would stop their work to help you out and if required, would ask another hydian for advice just to get you the best results....

There are some who are the opposite of what is written here but they are in minority....if you haven’t had the best experience then your luck led you to the minority....give hydians another try and you would will to be a part of our world....hydians are not the best, but they are worth falling for....

My 129th Post: Nightlife in Hyderabad

The city of dead, is not how one would describe the nights here in Hyderabad....during the day the streets are crowed and are filled with different stories floating around but as night hits this city, things quite down a bit and the moods shift from rock genre to blues....as the sun sets down, Hyderabad changes its views and moods....the focus shifts from chaotic markets of daily supplies and other colorless accessories to the markets of color and attraction....the attention is diverted towards the world of shopping and cuisine as our office class offer their time to their families after a day’s hard work....the city glisters w

ith lights everywhere, a view which might take the beat away from a throbbing heart....a wedding celebrated at Mehmood Garden, to the fuss in the Latifabad no. 8 market, everything glows and adds a touch to the city’s beauty....

As the night moves on further towards the darkness, the busy streets become empty as the markets shut down.....the tired people either move to their homes to mark the day’s end or enjoy the night’s breeze with their family and friends.....they dine at places such as Al-Manzar to enjoy the moonlight near the sight of the river or move towards the restaurants which depict the history of Hyderabad such as Nehroon Kot.... Regardless of time, the city remains alive....the people never let it go to sleep....especially during the month of Ramadan, the streets are completely filled with excitement....every road, every turn would point towards a tournament being held....people of all ages are found playing cricket or football...one match ends and another starts....even the kids, who have just started walking, are seen sitting outside with some guardian and enjoying the view....

This excitement of the night is not limited to the youngsters of today but even our elderlies turn young....even at 3am, the tea cafes are filled with groups of friends chatting as if they do not care of the next sun rise....the people of Hyderabad are not well aware of the disco life but instead they have mehfils which are strong enough to tremble one’s soul....famous artists read their verses and people gather around to experience the view as they reach their souls....still there are some who are not aware of the night outside their walls but rejoice their freedom by staying up all night by watching random movies or playing games with family or friends....

As the sky glows with the light of the sun, these rebels of the night go to their dens to get some rest....some might go for a heavy breakfast of seero puri to mark the end of their night and others just slip into their beds to get a shut eye to wake up to a new journey, a journey which they save up to tell their future generations....

My 127th Post: Why No Posts

I haven't blogged in the past few weeks....I am busy but I always was busy...that ain't the reason of me not playing in the rain of my words...I love to write and I always have time for this...the only difference this time is that I wanted to be heard and to be read....any thoughts in my mind, I just wanted everyone to share them and to be a part of my world but these days, I don't want to be heard....I don't want to be read....and I don't want anyone to be a part of what I have because somehow I have just grown a degree of possessiveness about my thoughts, my dreams and my words.....
I know this all sounds rude to many of you but I like to be honest and I feel it as my duty to at least convey this bit to all those who miss my writing and my updates....there are few who keep telling me to write and to post here and I do respect their motivation and their care but I feel that I need time for me....time for some silence to take over my space so that I can savoir the moments I have spent...I just want to be silent for a while and play in my head with my words and I believe somehow they are just too personal to share....they are too sensitive to reveal and to mess with....I just believe they are just mine and mine alone....my mind isn't empty or blank, there is a lot going on upon the roads and under the bridges but I have closed all the exits just because I don't want anything to go out.....
I would insha-Allah write upon some topic real soon....there are a lot in my mind which I want to write upon...just a few more days till I stand up upon the stage and would scribble my words so they can be projected towards your screens....till then take care and thank you guys for being there.....

My 126th Post: You Still Exist

Things have changed, routine is back on its track, life is again calling me back only what isn't there is your presence....I don't see you around me any more...you don't fight with me over tiny things....you don't make me jealous by sharing your things with others rather than me...you don't every time greet me with your smile because you aren't here...you are gone and you won't ever do any of these again....you don't exist in my life any more but that would be a lie and you know I don't lie....
It is a general concept that once a person leaves you physically, that person is gone forever....well this is logically correct but heart fights with logic....it believes in stuff which a sane mind wouldn't agree to...so what if the person isn't standing in front of you, that person is still around you...no matter how badly you want that someone to go, their little things remind you of them....even at times when you are missing them badly, you don't rely upon a reason to remember them and to see their face....no matter what you do, they are always there specially when they left without saying a proper good bye....
There are people whom you wish to delete from your heart and mind but you are just not able to and there are those whom you never want to lose and you keep collecting reasons to keep them in your heart and keep them alive in your life....though their absence hurts but still their ghostly presence soothes you down and glows your heart....I always have believed that life isn't really tough, we are the ones making it tougher by each passing day but, it is tough when you lose someone who was a part of your daily life....there are reasons for people to die and leave us behind and we aren't strong enough to clearly understand those and have to accept the fact that they left us....honestly, it really is tough....I never thought it would be that tough because I thought I have a tough heart but the fact is, even the toughest hearts melt when a loved one moves on.....
Little things are keeping her alive....like yesterday, I was given a pack of jellies because the shopkeeper didn't have change...though I love jellies but she loved them more....or right now, I went out to check the house and I opened the room where she slept....there were some blankets huddled up on her bed and for a moment I was like she is here and it all was a bad dream but no, sadly this is real and she is gone....she wasn't the one trying to sleep, it just was her bed with stuff upon it....so these are random things which I guess are irritating at times but honestly even without them, I still see my sis from place to place.....
No matter what, you still exist...not only for today or tomorrow, for each coming day of my life...Insha-Allah one day when I would have your nephews and your nieces, I would tell them about you and would take care of the fact that you become a part of their little world as well.....I never said this when you were here but you would always be missed by us and by me because no one is there to fight like you any more....