My 125th Post: And Then There Were Four

There is a rule of this world, we come alone and we die alone...doesn't matter how many friends we make or relations we succeed, we leave them behind without giving them any right to our time of death...they hang around to see one's body getting laid deep down the ground and shed tears but that doesn't affects the one descended to a place from where there is no return....losing someone is not that easy as one thinks it might be....no matter how much you fight or hate someone, after that someone dies, the world crashes...maybe for a while but still the life gets sucked out of your body....no matter how strong one might be, it is not always easy to hold back....
 When we grow up, we find people in our life in different relations...some act as our parents, some as our siblings and others as friends or foes.....we just get attached to them with time....their little things matter to us and become a part of our daily routines....they become just like a computer program which is incomplete without certain steps....without these people, life seems to hit a pause and nothing seems right.....everything messes up and the mind gets trapped in a maze with walls surrounding each exit.....
I have been trying to write this post from the first day but didn't have the strength to type....honestly speaking, I still don't think am strong enough to pour my heart out in front of you all....usually my posts are my thoughts about things happening around us but this post is purely filled up with my feelings....I just want to write and I think it is fair for my sister that I publish this article online....though she didn't read my work, she always appreciated my efforts and boosted me to write and always had a hope served in a tray for me so that I don't feel as if losing once ends each and every efforts....
On the morning of 2nd April 2014, we the family of five lost one member and now are left with the number four....I lost my sister on that morning....she crashed in the hospital....to be honest with you all, am a different kind of a guy....I really don't understand the type of love I have for people and I really don't know whether I loved her or not and I can't evaluate that....I know that I wanted always to be there for her, I know I wanted to secure her future the best way I could and I know that though we fought always, I never could watch her getting her dose of injections....I don't know whether that is love or not but I do know that she was a part of my life and she would always be there in my heart....I know that her death has shaken me up and turned my insides upside down....I know I miss her fights and her stuff....if that is love then maybe I did love her...maybe that is why I can't stand near her grave without a tear in my eye and maybe that is why I can't talk about her with people and maybe that is why I just can't keep my eyes dry while writing this down....I am strong masha-Allah but still am a human....
There is a lot to share but I don't think I would be able to do that right now so maybe in time I might write something else but I don't think I would post it here....but before ending I would just share, she fought with me on the day of her death and that proved that she recognized me where as she wasn't recognizing anyone else....
Do pray for her soul to be accepted in Jannat and may Allah save her from the torments of Hell....do keep her in your prayers.....

My 121st Post: The One

Fairy tales, t.v dramas and every other script which is based upon the concept of love, somehow ends with the same story that the guy and the girl finally are together...there is this image fed into the audience's mind that the hero was meant to fall in love with heroine and no matter how much they fought or didn't get along, they would finally be together...there are always differences between them but with time, the expected couple always would evolve into a one soul two body kind of image....I mean come on, does this really happen in real life? Is there someone there we don't notice but keep on avoiding or having arguments with but is the one we are going to end up with as if we are a part of some play and the cameras are pointed at us....every show airs that like Richard Castle and Kate Beckett from Castle or Ross and Rachel from Friends....both of these couples always fought but in the end, they got together because they were meant for each other....
The one....so in my case or in any of yours' case, there is someone we know and maybe encounter but that someone is in our life but maybe we are in a stage of ups and downs with that someone...so basically, for me, she is just around the corner and is in my play but we aren't together and won't get together until the time is right...can this be true...I mean the main lead in my play, the one who I am going to be with for the rest of my life is here in my life but I don't really see her that way or maybe she doesn't notices me as the one for her....I might have loved her once, but she didn't...then there might have been a time when she loved me but I didn't and so on so fore but we never confronted each other and moved on....then comes a time when we both would realise that there is no one else in this world meant for us rather than the one we are thinking of and we finally fall in love....
This can't be true...this is just like a fairytale come true...fairy tales don't come true but if they do, then these are really messed up but on the other hand there are mostly beautiful ones...if each one of these stories are properly traced down from the beginning of time till the end then Shakespeare's plays wouldn't even be known to the worst stages in this world....
I really don't know whether it is true or not but I do know for a fact that what so ever my story is or going to be, I really want to know or wait better, I really want it to be written down....the day am going to get together with that one, I would write down our whole story and maybe she was here all along but we never really knew...maybe the one is always around the corner and just waiting for the notion to play our part and get together....this gives a hope to look out for that one so if someone broke up with you, just means that the one who is really meant for you is around the corner just waiting for the cue....

My 118th Post: Hilarious Life

One moment, I am sitting at my porch staring at the moon, just dreaming about my future...thinking about the best possible ways to get along and eventually getting my hopes high with the image in my mind that nothing is going to fall apart this time...nothing is going to stop me from achieving my dreams....nothing is going to leave my side, not this time....the next moment, I brush my jeans and move back in because life had something else coming for me....
Things don't really go the way we want them to...there is always something else stored for us in the back but we rarely come to know about it until it seems as if it were a joke...at times, it really feels as if we are the centre of a ring where life is our master and we are there just to please it....instead of getting rewards for our efforts, we are tricked into another act which follows the clouds of misery and sadness...it is just like one craving for water but instead gets plenty of food served....that someone wants a drink but no, life wants him/her to have food....
I don't know but life does sometimes seem to be a comedy act and it really seems that it is cruel and unfair but that is just our illusion....though at times we might think that we deserved something which someone else received, we are wrong.....the fact that we are humans, we look at things limiting the span of our future...we don't really think far because that isn't in our power....life knows what is good and what is bad for us....it knows when to serve us something and when to take away something....though the moment we might think that it was cruel and is playing jokes upon us but that is just our ignorance of the fact that nothing belongs to us more than our life and that makes it sure that life cares for us more than any human being alive....maybe that someone didn't get a drink because he/she would have started eating food after eliminating the thirst and that food might become a cause for his/her illness....
There is always a motive behind things.....though you didn't get something today, maybe you might get it tomorrow or maybe you would get something better....you would get what is better for you.....today's hurt might be a strong ally in the future...
Life really ain't hilarious much, though its ways are but that doesn't means that one should drown in the ideas composed by our high brain....so cheer up and look for the next sun rise to start all over again and search for the better option for our future....

My 94th Post: What If

In life, we make decisions at each and every step....at times, we rarely have enough time to look upon the matter and decide properly....we just go with what our mind says or our heart believes in....at the end of each and every quest, we always have a question in our minds....no matter what the result is, whether good or bad, we always think 'What If' at the end....then there are various other options in front of us after receiving the results and we keep visualising the situation with the alternative....
This two worded question never dies from our minds....it is always there...like what if I had woke up early instead of getting up late...though I can't change anything now but still am a human and to be honest, we are weak....we like to fool our brain at each and every possible moment because we know that reality is harsh and if we had just a chance, we might change...though we mostly repeat what we did before but still we like to hope for a chance to change....maybe the results might be better and we might have a better time....
What if...this brings up a lot of thoughts in my brain because there are many moments in my life which I would like to change....there are many decisions which I guess I regret taking ever but now, I don't have the power to change them...though I can change the upcoming future by trying not to repeat anything like that or when a similar decision comes, try to choose the alternative but well that is next time, not the one I have already lived.....I guess all of you readers would also have this question hovering around you specially when you get a quite time, away from every other thought....
We aren't perfect and that is the beauty of life....if we knew the option with the best result, then there wouldn't be such a thing as hope because we would always know that whatever the result might be, it would be perfect.....asking the question 'What If' shows that one is living because he/she feels.....'What If' is a result of guilt, sorrow, hurt, or even jealousy but whatever the reason is for that to occur, it just shows we are still human beings and aren't just walking with a dead soul.....
Do keep asking this question when ever you feel the need of it but never drown in depression because of that....no one can change his/her fate....what we choose, is meant for us....instead of getting depressed, one should just stand up and try to take the upcoming decisions with the knowledge from the previous results....just try to live and what so ever happens, accept it and bring a smile upon your face...I know that is one tough thing, but that is the easiest as compared to being dead while living.....

My 30th Post: Tired

If I could just print out my image at the moment, you would have understood what tired really means....my style, my face and specially my eyes would tell you each and every detail of the situation when someone gets tired....its just so tough to maintain a pace and a firm grip on anything....I really wanna fall back and relax....let my eyelids dance together and close the lights for the night....trust me, while writing the last line I was just lost in the vision of that action's outcome.....it feels so mesmerizing that it is becoming a part of my habit for the moment....

I am tired cause today was a way busy day for me....a football match followed by trips to the market and upon that its Ramadan so have a fast as well....so am tired not cause of anything else, but just cause I have used up a lot of energy and need to recharge myself.....
Being tired just cause of wearing out is a normal routine.....every one gets that and its random....so ain't a big blow as tomorrow insha-Allah, I will have my energy back after a beautiful sleep....but getting tired of something or someone, is a different feeling.....
It gets irritating having that something in one's life....and the worst part is, its tough to get rid of it....when you are tired of something, unbelievably that winds up in front of you more than ever and gets upon the nerves....not everything is exchangeable like old t.v for a new, at times we have to adjust but adjusting is tough and so is moving on....the mind gets confused and then gives up at a point and instead of improving that, we just get tired of it....that doesn't means that we move on, instead we hang on to it with a single thread but with the strength of a bundle....
Surely life is a miracle and a blessing but it gets tough at times.....but it teaches us one important thing that don't let go no matter what...just keep on trying, a day would definitely come when you would succeed.....trust me that really happens....instead of getting tired of something, just try to grab it again and again....it would become better with time and varnishing, just needs your attention in a proper way...and soon a day would drop off when the smile of victory will rise....so stay together and keep on the hard work...
Time for my hard work to take a break so tc, comment and do share...