My 105th Post: My Lover's Killer

I killed her, I just killed her....No, I didn't but yes, I killed her! I didn't want her to die but, I killed her...she was all I had and I don't know her but I love her...I am all she has and I know she would have loved me too but no, that can't be possible...am just a monster and I just killed her....I wish, I just wish that her thoughts would have changed after all we went through but no, I killed her....that night could have been different...I could have asked her out like any other guy does when he likes a girl but we slipped....I slipped...
It was raining heavily and as always, me and the gang were out at Joe's for the night.....beers were coming and going and the night wasn't dying....we were just about to leave as a blond entered the bar....she was in her early 20's.....sleek body with curly hair tied back in a puff, all soaked up.....she was a beautiful girl....at first I thought it was the alcohol talking but when she came near the bar to ask for the phone, I could see her face clearly in the yellow light of the bar...she was beautiful and somehow, I just wanted to hold her in my arms and tell her that am going to be hers for ever....but well, she went to the back of the bar to make a call and I headed out through the front door....
I thought it ended there but how wrong I could have been, I never had imagined that....we were three friends but others were missing when I left the bar....suddenly one came running towards me and led me to the back of the bar....I was confused, couldn't understand what was happening.....I was running wildly after him and wasn't able to balance myself because that night, I was high enough to call myself the President of U.S....there were thoughts going around my head but none of them made any sense....
At the end of the trail, I saw her lying on the road....something had happened to her and she wasn't moving much....as I neared to examine her, she was crying....I got confused, couldn't concentrate on anything....then I saw my friend standing besides her, fixing his belt and tucking in his shirt....I was bewildered by his image....washed the rain off my face and looked at the girl once more....she was lying on the floor, her shirt loose and my friend pointing her to me....he was saying something that didn't I want her, so there she was for me to have....at first, I was all baffled and didn't understand what was happening....my other friend stood from the girl's side and pushed me down upon her.....they left me there alone with her and I don't know what happened, I just lost my self control and that girl saw a beast in me.....
After few hours, I was travelling with my friends somewhere...I didn't know what had happened next...they told me that they dumped that girl off at near by hospital and now it was time to move on.....I just went wild and beat the crap out of them....left their company and went back to the hospital....I searched for her and when I found her, she was unconscious....upon that, I was told that there wasn't any hope of her getting normal again....I enrolled my relation as her husband and because there was no one to claim her nor she had any id with her, I was allowed to take her back with me....
Last few months, I have been there for her day and night....I wasn't a bad guy, just got driven by the devil and his mind controlling water....cared for her as my angel.....took her to bed, changed her clothes, did what a real husband might do for his wife....she never spoke throughout that period, always laid in her bed looking at the ceiling....she was just a body in my house but still, she was mine and I cared for her more than anything I ever cared about....like a baby, I had to forcefully feed her...would tell her stories and stayed most of my time in her room, holding her hand.....I always cried at the night when ever that incident crossed my mind but those tears meant nothing to her...she didn't even feel my presence I think....she had lost her senses....
Yesterday, it was raining as it had been that night....I fell asleep while reading her a story....was dreaming about our life and kids and suddenly heard her screaming....first I thought I was dreaming but no, she really was back....she was screaming which meant she was back...my love, my Jane, she was back.....I woke up and held her in my arms....she cuddled me and then commanded to turn on the lights...it was the happiest day of my life till I turned on the lights....she, she just starred at me....there was nothing else....she went pale and looked at me....I smiled and as I went near, she dropped back in the bed....
I hurried downstairs and called the next door doctor....she came running in her pyjamas to my house and checked her....Jane was gone....the doc said that she is in a deep sleep and won't ever wake up....life drained out of my eyes and I fell upon my knees, sobbing till my eyes went dry....
Jane still lies in her bed and I know she won't ever get up, but I won't leave her...no, I won't ever leave her....one day my love is going to help her get back on her feet and one day, I would ask her to marry me and become the mother of my children.....one day she will wake up, one day she will forgive me and love me back..... just one day.....

My 90th Post: Hell

It is really tough when someone imagines the life in hell....how would it be and what punishments one would bare there....few hours ago, I was thinking about the same thing...only the difference here was that I was having a nightmare about hell....
Life was ending and people were falling down the cracks in the earth....no one was able to run from it unless they chanted the name of Allah and were reciting a kalma and something else which I don't remember....there was some light blue circle around the ones who were reciting those verses and the devil was scared from them and when ever he attempted to capture them, he was burnt by that light....there were people but not exactly people who were commanding everyone  to remember their Lord and ask for His forgiveness so that they may be blessed with heaven.....
People were crying and all I could see was that the ones who weren't amongst the worshippers of Allah, were thrown mercilessly in the pit from where blazing fire could be seen....the devil smiled upon their idiocy and was pleased with their descend......the sky was falling and it was dark, just enough to allow people to view the torments upon the ones who still were denying His power.....
My dream became odd....I don't really remember who, but there was someone whom I was trying to save and due to that someone, I wasn't able to recite in time.....I saved that someone and started to recite but the devil saw me and said that it was a mighty deed of me to save that someone but he had to take someone instead, so took me....I was reciting but couldn't complete that blue circle and angels were trying to help me by motivating to completely recite but I was unable to do that and I fell in the pit of fire....
It was a scary fall and I would be sweating in my sleep if someone saw me then....when I reached the bottom, things went way too odd....there were many punishments there and the least painful I recall was the one having a conveyor belt upon which there was meat rolling around....people were thrown upon that and underneath their feet was something burning, hotter than the lava....people were getting roasted and chopped and at the end, they came to same state again and the process carried on....punishments carried on in turns and after one punishment, another awaited.....
The whole experience was just too horrid so am not gonna write about other things as some of my readers won't be suitable to that information but what so ever, everything was worst than it sounds while someone is reading this....
After the series of punishments, I realised that there was a way out....the devil was just someone who was doing his duties and didn't have grudge against the people....except enjoying what he was doing, he really didn't care much about the happenings and there was still a chance for me to get free....I somehow had a feeling in my heart that it was just a part of a test, it wasn't a real set of punishment...all I had to do is believe in Allah even when I was down there....I just had to believe that no matter what if I just trust Him, then the torments won't affect me and that did happen...the devil became lenient towards me and after a while, there came a door for me to follow....my dream ended here and I woke up thinking what that meant...
I thought to share this with you guys as well...maybe this is what it meant when I tried helping others and except that, I am trying to realise what really was there and what I am being told to do.....
Do share....